Does anybody know anyone living in or near Memphis...

...who is nice, can spare some travel time, has a car, and is not an axe murderer / serial rapist?

And if so, might you ask them if they could possibly give me a ride back to California?

Thanks sooooo much. I'd explain some more but I sort of snuck into this library to use the computer and I can't risk staying much longer or they'll probably find me and kick me out. I'm going to try to find a way to look less like a homeless vagrant tomorrow so that I can get back on and actually communicate with people.

Oh, and thanks for the Christmas wishes, folks!




Merry Christmas!

I don't have a tree or decorations or presents or a chimney or stockings or friends or family.
But I do have cookies.
So I'm pretending I'm Santa and eating them.

Sharing with Jenna of course because I'm a good person.

I haven't really slept in the past four days or so, which is how I actually know that it is in fact Christmas today. I wasn't really keeping track of the days before, but lately I have nothing better to do then watch the clocks change.

Anyway I don't really have any updates. There's no sign of Alva. I haven't learned anything new about the Path beyond what you guys have told me. Jenna doesn't understand how Mr Tobias treats me.

I honestly haven't been thinking about him much. Dunno why. I keep forgetting to research Them, too, but I guess they're not particularly relevant as to what I'm looking for now.

I dunno.


Just a lot of weird waking dreams lately I guess. My mind's sort of unfocused on anything else.

But regardless, a happy Christmas or whatever holiday and, soon, happy New Year to you all!




Has anyone else ever been There? In the place Between, where he walks? If so, have you ever sort of had moments afterwards where you think for a second you're There again? Any hallucinations/waking dreams? And beyond that, can you remember what you dream when you're sleeping?

If you could pass these questions along, that would be great.





New Headquarters

We're back in California, by the way. Still haven't heard hide nor tail of Alva, although I can't say I know the best places on the Internet to look for sightings of her. I wish there were an installable app that would tell you whenever someone on a blog had an encounter of a certain type and wrote about it. I bet Mike could design one, but even for him it would probably take a while. And I'm not going to ask any more favors of anyone.

Looks like Dad's held up his end of the deal so far, what with keeping all the folks involved with my mom from reporting me missing. They've been accosting me for the past couple of weeks. Lots of papers, lots of condolences, lots of lawyers. Mom and Lara made a deal a long time ago as to what Lara wanted, so that wasn't much. The twins of course got money for their college fund and some books and things. Dad got some items of sentimental value - I assume they were, anyway, seemed a random collection to me. The shop was divided between the girl who currently does most of the work and me. The money was divided between charity, the twins' college funds, the shop, and me. The apartment has been transferred to my name, given a down payment. I have a choice of whether I want to keep paying for it or not after the lease or whatever expires. I'm on the fence right now about that. There were a bunch of other things but nothing particularly notable beyond that.

Feels kinda weird, to be honest. It's been such a long few weeks... months... how long has it been? I've lost track of time. My computer says it's December. I guess that means it can't have been more than a month. That's so weird to me. It can't be true, can it?

Then again, time gets bent in certain places I've been.

I guess that means Christmas is coming up.

It will be my first Christmas without Alva in ... a long time.

Speaking of Alva! This apartment is officially the HQ of the Alva Makenna Tracking Committee. President: Me. Our first order of business:  track down any potential Alva Makenna sightings.

Alva hates pictures almost as much as I do. Ever since third grade we've always played hooky on Picture Day at school. And at events, she will literally throw whatever she's holding at anyone point a camera at her. She's actually scared off professional photographers before, at age like thirteen or something. The only thing I have of her is sketches that I did myself, and they're gestural charcoal sketches that are tucked away in my desk back in Minnesota. So the best I can do for you guys in the way of an image is a sketch just from the top of my head on Photoshop right now.

I will probably put up more sketches of her from different angles (and better) so that you can get a better picture. Basically she has an elf/pixie/doll face, amazing green eyes, and a giant wild tangled mass of lion hair that goes down to the small of her back. She's pale and her body looks like a delicate doll if a delicate doll were really angry and could kick your ass.

The AMTC has a lot of research and work to do but in the mean time, please keep a look out for her and tell the other blogs to as well. Also anyone who so much lays a finger on her can come personally to me for a highly individualized threat to their life, well being, and all they hold dear. 

Thank you for all of your support, everyone. It has been much appreciated.




Look who's back

Back again
Robin's back
Tell a friend

Okay I'm never gonna do that again.

Um, so, guess I've returned. Looks like you all met Jenna on Alva's blog... Anyway, yeah, I was gone. So, apparently it's only Friday now, happy December, sorry I missed it. I didn't realize it hadn't been so long here.

I was gone for longer than that.
Way longer than that.

But I didn't exceed the 48/72 hour limit getting there, don't worry. If that was even a thing in the first place...? Guess we'll never know. Anyway, it doesn't matter. Alva's not There anymore, and she is no longer with Them.

She's not here or with us, either. But... that's less important.

And I guess you probably won't be seeing her on her blog anymore either, unless she turns out unexpectedly lucid or suddenly gets a hankering for some code. She might show up on other people's, in brief cameos, I don't know. I'll be keeping track.

Anyway I returned to Jenna's hotel room for a shower and to get all my stuff, but after today I'm gonna be back on the streets and mooching free Wi-Fi again. Maybe I should blackmail my dad to get me a personal HotSpot.

As I told Jenna when she asked where I was going, I'll be going the same place I always go - wherever Alva is. How I'm going to manage that is something I'm still working on. Jenna has graciously decided to contribute her own attendance to this journey. She has been taking it upon herself to go through Alva's private things to gather information in my absence.

Nevertheless, I'll try and post soon. I'll need some recommendations of blogs that seem / are confirmed legitimate. And I'll need to spread the word on what Alva looks like in case anyone sees her. I'd love your guys' help with that - but it'll have to wait. Right now I need food. I haven't eaten in...

... a week? Longer? Or maybe it only works the way real time does, in which case one or two days. If I were a tiny little guy that wouldn't be a big deal. Unfortunately I'm tall and a little bit hulking and need lots of calories, so boo. Looks like McDonald's it is for me.

Well, whatever the case, I'm glad to be back in the real world, and thanks to you all for your suggestions and/or help.

Talk to you later.




I have a visitor

Alva's friend from California decided to come up and... help.
Or something.

I had only texted her from Alva's app because I needed to know if she had said anything important before being taken. She hadn't, but Jenna (that's her friend) demanded answers and ended up coming up here, because apparently when you're a Slenderstalked delivery girl you can just do that whenever you want.

She estimates we have 48-72 hours before they do something... drastic... to Alva.

PB, you asked what I'm going to do, and Cage, you asked for specifics.

To Cage, I don't know. I turned around and she was gone. There wasn't anything or anyone, she was just gone.

To PB, and everyone else out there, what I'm going to do is ask for your help.

I need to know if there's a way that I can talk to the Slender Man. Soon.




They took her.


On the Island

They have a reaaaallllly sparse amount of free public Wi-Fi and we have a really sparse amount of battery left, so I'll make this quick.

Journey was fine, Alva's still mine, and now we're going to break into an old structure and stay here illegally overnight.

Alva says she can see the wind sort of fighting. She's certain They are strong here, despite all the trees.

Also I made her ride with me in a kooky quadricycle. And it was adorable. <3




What Should Be

I should be flipping my shit at every corner.
I should be having at least three panic attacks a day.
I should be mourning.
I should be angry.

I mean, who am I kidding? Things are pretty bad. I don't think my dad's going to be too happy with me for a while now that I've blackmailed him, the twins are burdened with way too much shit right now and have to worry about me being suicidal on top of that, Lara's mad at me because I apparently seemed "unfriendly" towards her at the funeral, my mother is no longer in this world at all, I officially have neither a job nor any education. I haven't slept a full night in... at least a week, probably more. I'm afraid of a book, which incidentally is giving me horribly vivid day-mares. I see tall skinny figures at every corner, my brain concocts labyrinths for itself, every suited bystander is watching me, and generally I think I can confirm that my hallucinations from elementary school (and a little bit freshman year) are back. I basically have nothing for me in this world but Alva.

...I have Alva.

And despite everything, I'm just so. Ridiculously. Happy. Now that I've found her.

Ohh, she's rolling her eyes at me. Don't make me use That Line, Alva! I could ~elaborate~ on how kindly you welcomed me--no? Haha. Oh, I should talk about "more important things," uh-huh. *rolls eyes* Fiiiiiine.

Okay, so, COMPLETELY IGNORING the events of Thursday and yesterday morning, I shall proceed to get y'all caught up.

Since Alva basically spent all her cash, we checked out of the hotel and after exploring a bit, decided to go walk to a nearby park area by some historic buildings and camp out there. By the time we got there the sun was setting, so it was freezing once again (mostly for me, having only had California clothes to pack). We curled up against a tree to keep warm and... talked.

Well, I mean, we sort of started talking as we walked. For some reason which I can't comprehend, Alva seemed to find fault with my nonexistent life plan. She was talking about how I should be a cook or a chef, which to be honest, I've never really thought about. I like cooking, but like I told Alva: 'I don't know if I could make a career out of that. Aren't chefs supposed to be exciting or something? Do exotic new things and yell at people in accents and stuff?'

So. That was random. I don't know. What do you guys think? Obviously you've never tasted my food, but, you know, do I have the temperament to go into culinary? XD

Anyway, then we talked about how I would be a terrible private investigator and how I didn't have any goals or anything whereas Alva bases her whole life around plans, et cetera. This somehow turned into burning marshmallows over a lighter (by this time we were settled against the tree, as I said) because we couldn't make a fire to do proper s'mores, and then we talked about sleeping and distractions and spirit animals, and we unrolled the sleeping bag to keep warmer, and then it was just us and the quiet and the trees and Alva started talking about Them.

They are... well, you'll see. Alva's going to make a post on it, because she wants your guys' theories. But They first showed up in Alva's life way back, back when we were both just kids. They were there that night when she got too deeply involved in a game, They were there when her mother died... She's known Them for a long time. (As she pointed out, almost as long as she's known me.) But They hadn't really talked to her for nearly five years, until recently.

She says They're weaker when I'm around. That They stopped talking to her when I showed up at the door to her hotel room. Neither of us could really come up with a reason why. Personally, I don't care why. I'm just glad. I neither like nor trust them, and Alva knows this. They're still stronger than They used to be, though. I'm sure she'll elaborate more on that.

We only talked about Them a little longer, then shifted topics again. Talked a little bit about how I'd been, then we--

Okay, Alva wants me to skip to the important part again. *rolls eyes*

Alva had noticed a few things I'd mentioned (about 'seeing things' and my little gray tidbit from the funeral post, et cetera) and demanded to know what's up. For the sake of simplicity, I'll attempt to transcribe that conversation (paraphrased, obviously) here, the best I can remember:

Me: It's just my nightmares seeping into real life. I already told you it seemed like that. And besides, it's not like I've never had hallucinations before. It's not a big deal.
A: Your nightmares had creepy trees in them, you said.
Me: They're a common archetype.
A:  R, tell me what's up. You've been fidgety and watchful all day.
Me: I'm always fidgety and watchful.
A: It's different.
(She looked at me all curiously and then changed the subject to my funeral post. I wasn't too keen on talking about that.)
Me: ... I was just oversensitive that day. I didn't have anybody to talk to so I just put it in there instead. It was just... overdramatic.
(She looked skeptical.)
A: ....... Why are you lying to me?
Me: I'm not lying. I was being overdramatic. I know what's real.
(Here, she suddenly gets distracted by something in the trees to our left. She stares in them for a second like she sees something. Then: )
A: ... Do you see that?
(I held my breath and followed her gaze but even searching the shadows I couldn't see anything.)
Me: ... what?
(She waited another moment, then said: )
A: You saw him, didn't you?
(I continued staring but nothing was there. Then it hit me that she was fucking around, trying to get me to prove I was seeing 'him.' Pissed me off.)
Me: ... No, I didn't. Why are you trying to screw with me?
(She could tell I was miffed but just fixed me with that stare of hers like she was challenging me.)
A: Not just now. A few moments ago. And back at California.
(This caught me off guard a little bit. I had to take a moment before I shook my head.)
Me: If you're talking about your little obsession, Slender Man isn't real.
A: I gave up on Slender Man. I'll never be able to see him. [This surprised me. I wonder if she meant it.] But he's out there.
Me: He's not out there. There's no such thing as the Slender Man. He's a made-up story, a construct, an archetypal figure people pretend into their own heads to fear.
A: You're scared of him, aren't you Robin? [I still can't tell if she was just saying this stuff or if she meant it: ] I can't... I'm not meant to see him, but you can see him just fine, can't you? [Instead of looking bothered, she looked thoughtful.]
Me: Don't be stupid. The Slender Man's not real. Anything I think I see is made up in my head.
A: Do you see a made up Slender Man?
(I didn't want to hear any more of this. I had enough confusion in my own head.)
Me: I don't know.
A: [She tried stroking my hair to soothe me.] You don't know?
Me: I don't know. How do you know if you're hallucinating something if it's just a figure far away? Or how do you know what you're hallucinating if you just--can't--quite--make--out--its features? Could be anyone or anything.
A: How long does the.... hallucination.... last before it disappears?
(You can tell she's still skeptical of my word.)
Me: Which time?
A: How many times have you seen it?
Me: [I had to pause to figure out how to answer this.] ... In real life or during nightmares?
A: [She thought about it, then decided: ] Both. But give me the numbers separately.
Me: In real life... [I counted in my head.] ...about thirteen times.
A: [She seemed taken aback.] ... When did that start?
Me: Like... The day after I got to California.
A: And... nightmares?
Me: Um... Like... Six... nights. I think.
A: Hmn...
(She couldn't seem to find anything else to say, just a contemplative look and 'hmm.' So I prompted her: )
Me: Why does it matter?
A: That's just... a lot of times to have seen Slender Man. When you... "hallucinate", what does it feel like? You mentioned in a post you were cold.
(See, she's putting the emphasis on 'hallucinate' again.)
Me: I'm not "seeing Slender Man". I just sort of... imagine... that someone's there... sometimes. A lot of those were in passing, the real life ones. Just a glimpse, and it could have been anyone, really, just my overactive imagination at the work, it just sort of vaguely looks like-- ... [I wasn't sure how to finish the sentence in a way that didn't sound stupid, so I just let it trail off.] Whatever. I don't know. I don't know what it feels like either. Sometimes it's just normal and then I see something, or think I see something, and then all my senses just sort of... rush back inside me like a great vacuum, like I'm shifted into a different plane from the rest of the world and things are briefly slower and quieter and duller and cooler there--but that only lasts for a split second. And sometimes it's just a figure somewhere, like just outside of where I am, standing there, and I just look at it and I'm too busy just looking at it to even notice if I feel different or whatever or, you know, anything at all. And I just keep staring at it, like if I don't do anything it won't be real, and it never does anything, and eventually it goes away. And then in my nightmares... [Had to force myself to imagine them again in my head for this part. Not fun.] ... In my nightmares there's so many images and everything in my head already that my skull just hurts and I'm too busy trying to chase and beat them out that I just don't care if one of them looks like a man in the corner of my room, if he doesn't do anything. And if I can eventually get my head to quiet a little bit then I just don't look and I fall asleep and when I wake up nothing's there.
(After this ramble, Alva was basically quiet for a few moments, just sort of looking at me, which I wasn't sure how to react to, but then she wrapped her arms around me, so I relaxed a little.)
Me: It's not a big deal. It's just my head fucking around with me. We all know I'm not the sanest guy on earth.
A: And if it's not your head?
Me: Slender Man's not real. It is in my head.
A: If They're real, why couldn't he be real?
Me: Because he's just not. He's just a story -  a story you can track down to the very beginning, and know exactly how it started. He's just some guy's internet invention.

The conversation sort of trickled off from there. She started talking about experimenting and posting on her blog and getting ideas. She wouldn't tell me her theory. She did, however, force out of me how many imaginary glimpses or hallucinations of that figure/person/man/thing I had 'seen' that particular night. She wasn't too pleased with my answer and started going on about "trying something" but she couldn't tell me what it was because "if" it was a hallucination it would ruin her test. I wasn't comfortable with this and told her so, but turns out even though I was keeping her by my side with my hands, she was trying mental things instead.

She (in a move I highly disapprove of, Alva) tried to 'call' Them to where we were. She wanted to see what effect it would have on my hallucinations. Well, it didn't, because it didn't work, thank god. But it did prompt her to start thinking aloud about Them and the Slender Man and all that stuff, I'm sure she'll rant to you guys about it.

Anyway, I got... kind of upset when she kept talking about seeing Them and the Door and going to Their home and all that. I argued with her a little bit about Their intentions, about her assumptions and everything...

But, I guess she does care after all (a little bit), because she promised she wouldn't leave me. Crossed her heart and hoped to die. Can't argue with that, folks.

So, in the end... even if what's been going on in my life and in my head have been... more than a little upsetting... I should be stony or falling apart, but... I'm not. Because I have her.

That's everything new up until now, skipping the boring story of how I actually got up here and found her. I'm not sure where we're going to next, but she keeps talking about this place west of here, so we might end up going that way. Feel free to share your questions, comments, and concerns, folks. You're officially the only people outside of Alva that I talk to.

And thank god for her. <3

Hope your days are going well too, folks.



PS: Alvie totally lesbians me. Lesbians, lesbians, lesbians! ;PP


I found her.

She's fine and doing well, except for wasting all her money on new clothes and crappy swords. (Apparently every souvenir shop in this part of Canada just sells swords for some reason.) She was happy to see Morrigan, once she let me in. (I had to try a couple times.)

Anyway she's in full ownership of her mental facilities, don't worry. Those... weird messages... I'm pretty sure I know who/what they came from. 

It's... been a while since they've... been around. We're gonna talk about them a bit more later, don't worry. Sorry, I still can't tell you who they are. Not that I really know. That's personal to Alva. When she decides she'll share, then you'll learn.

Anyway, right now it's light out and I borrowed Alvie's iTouch and we're in the grocery store getting milk for the cookies I brought and whipped cream and Captain Crunch because we're SO HEALTHY. She's off getting some plastic/styrafoam eating ware because it's not like we have plates, so I'm punching out a quick update. We're headed back to the hotel in a bit. It's this tiny, quaint little place tucked between a restaurant and a souvenir store in brick. Not far down the street there's all the bigger historic buildings and they do carriage rides and things. 

She's intending on being here a while. So I'll stay by her side.

If anything important happens I'll let you guys know.




Won't be posting for a few days.

Not sure how long it'll take; could be two days, maybe three or four. But I may have lack of Internet access. And, come to think of it, battery. I'll try to answer comments if I get any snatches of Wi-Fi.

See you around when I (hopefully) succeed!





was today.

It was outside of course. She was cremated. Flowers everywhere. Tons of friends. Lara somehow made it. Stuck by me for the whole day. It was awkward. She's so loud. Twins were there. Haven't seen them in ages. They asked about Alva again. Jay wants to know if she's single. Wren wanted to know if she had caught any ghosts.

Turns out Dad told them about my little brush with death. I think that was bad timing. They looked scared. Poor kids. Lara just looked angry, as usual. So did Dad. They did't talk to each other. They haven't since she ran away and changed her name.

Rhonda was nice. She and her friends helped arrange everything. It was very informal, cookies and treats in trays, more like a mixer than a funeral. But I guess she would have liked that.

One of mom's male friends came and chatted with me in lawyer-speak. I didn't get much of what he was saying. It had something to do with the apartment. I'll get in touch with him later. For now I can stay in it, though. A bunch of ladies offered me company, saying they were worried about me alone. I declined.

A ladybug landed on my cheek halfway through. Probably the most welcome company all day.

I was in charge of taking home all the leftover food and treats. I don't know what I'll do with them. Take them to Alva probably.

It's so quiet in the apartment I had to go down to an internet cafe to write this. Quiet makes me uneasy lately. I left the book up there. I'm a bit afraid of getting too into it again.

That's really all there is to say. Sorry for the pointless update. Guess I just had to write it down or something stupid.

I don't know why it's so cold in here. My fingers are quivering.

I wish Alva were here to distract me.
My mom would have really liked that.
I miss her.

Both of them.




Tell me I'm the only one that sees

what came up most recently on Alvie's blog.

That was twelve hours ago. She hasn't commented back. I know she's busy in Canada and might not have constant internet access but she can't just leave me like this, I'm not in a good state, my mom's dead she's gone I'm all alone I'm seeing things I'm hearing things WHY DID SHE PUT THAT UP THERE.

Please let this be a hallucination.
Please let this be a hallucination, or a joke, or a prank.
Please have this all be in my head, like the people in the corners of my eye or the whispers or the signs, let it not be real.

Please let Alva just be fucking with me.

Alva if you're reading this ANSWER ME PLEASE.

A Gift from Anonymous

The flower arrangement was so big that they had to wait to process it, but my mom wasn't awake then and therefore never got to see it. It had all her favorite flowers; poinsettias, bluebells, Queen Anne's lace, daisies, et cetera. Even a couple sunflowers.

It was unsigned, but I made some inquiries on a hunch. They had been purchased with my credit card number.

Thank you, Alvie.

She would have loved them.


She didn't get better.

Wish failed.
She died tonight.



I've been reading House of Leaves.

Can't quite form the words to talk about it yet. It's just as addicting as they say it is, but in such a sneaky, sneaky way to me. I keep having to take breaks; I haven't gotten far at all. I can speed read, but I'm not doing that for this one. I've been sleeping very well in California until I started reading. Since then I've been getting nightmares. Can't sleep for crap.

Hmm, I still need to change my clock setting on Blogger. It's still on Minnesota time and says it's 1:09pm right now, but here it's 11:09 am, and I'm waiting for the big 1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1. The twins have texted me from back home demanding that I make a wish with them when the clock turns. We're all planning to wish the same thing, but obviously can't say it aloud, lest it not come true. But my mother's been doing well the last couple of days, so I hope it might.

They also have heard of Alva's trip to Canada and are keen on going, too. For some reason they think it would be really cool. Is it? I wouldn't know. Nevertheless, Dad, of course, won't let them.

This book has really been getting to my head. I've been seeing things... From my imagination, you know? Sleep deprivation and all that. It was pretty cloudy yesterday. Weird for being on the sunny Californian coast--but then again, maybe I just, once again, wouldn't know. Full moon last night, too. Was that eerie or beautiful? Alvie would have loved it, that's for sure.

I've promised Mom I'll have a Doctor Who marathon with her tonight. I'm bringing in my laptop and we're going to watch the new season on Netflix. Only the ones with the 11th Doctor, of course. She used to love the old show when she was a kid. She says she hopes it hasn't changed too much. She liked my pie and shared it with Rhonda and a couple other visitors. I've got cookies for tonight.

Second hand's ticking. Better post this now!

Make a wish~*





I'm here now, obviously.

Anyone on the Internet from California?

Barely slept a wink on the flight. I hate airplanes. I used to have dreams where I'd be trapped on an airplane and suddenly the floor would give way beneath me and I'd be falling, faster than anything could fall, voice ripped out of me... It would only last half a second before I instantly woke up, the fall, but it was goddamn terrifying, I always awoke gasping for breath desperately.

Urrgghhhh. ANYWAY. That's not relevant...

So, I finally got to see my mom.

Backstory time!

My mom's about my favorite human being on the planet. She's sweet and smart and beautiful and works so hard, harder than anyone I know. She loved my dad and she still does, but as marriages went... theirs didn't work out. They got divorced when I was just a kid. Mom moved to California to pursue her dream of becoming a florist. Sometimes I think California was my mom's real true love. She used to talk about it all the time. She was convinced that some day we'd all be there... But, you know, my dad, he never really intended for that to happen. He wanted to stay in central US, he wanted to be surrounded by woods, by land, and by his weird little fans.

Oh, I don't know if you remember from Alva's frequent mentioning of him, but my dad's basically an occult/paranormal "scientist." He writes books, publishes essays, works with "experts," goes on TV shows... Not telling you which one(s) or what he goes by. That would just spell trouble for me. But if any of you are really into that kind of stuff, it's possible you know him or have heard of him. My dad likes Minnesota. He grew up here and the local bookstore in our town would always make really big deals about his books and host signings and all that.

So, you know, my dad's passionate about that sort of thing. He's... kinda weird. When he gets all passionate about something, it shows through frustration and anger. So he's sort of a volatile person to live with. My mom's not like that. She's gentle and looks at things calmly and logically. The story of how they got together is a really sweet one... but it probably wouldn't have worked out from the start. They're very different. And when each felt like the other was stifling their true passion, they had to get divorced.

It was 'amicable,' but they did fight over division of assets and custody and things. My dad won us. (Me, my older sister, and my two younger twin brothers.) So, we've stayed in Minnesota ever since. (Well, my sister left camp as soon as she turned eighteen. But that's beside the point.)

Anyway, throughout elementary and middle school, we still got together for holidays. But it never went well. Mom usually ended up exhausted and crying and dad would go to his study and pace and growl to himself in misguided jealousy. Once my mom got a more stable job down in California, she stopped coming to visit. We were always welcome to come down and see her; in fact, she invited us every Christmas; but Dad always said no, it was too far.

The last time I actually got to see my mom in person was when I graduated from high school. She made sure to come up for that. It was probably the best surprise I could have had. But there haven't been any visits since, just phone calls and things.

So seeing her now, even in this condition... I've been so glad to. I really adore my mom. She used to spend a lot of time outside with me. She taught me a little about butterflies when she would take me out in the garden, and that's how I really got into them. Now I have a whole collection of them. They're pretty much my favorite thing. That's where the blog title and stuff comes from, by the way. I got her some flowers at the airport and made sure to get the tag and the wrapping with butterflies on them. They're on her nightstand now; she loved them.

I only got to talk to her a little bit mid-day because she wasn't feeling well again this afternoon. But one of the first things she asked was about my friends. My mom always asks about stuff like that. She knows me pretty well and she worries about me. She loves Alva to death, although she always tells me to be careful with my heart around her. She's a smart gal, my mom. She used to mother Alva, too. Alva's mother died a long time ago, so my mom always made sure to be there for her. She's generous like that.

Anyhow, she knew me and Alva had a fight from when we talked on the phone. She asked about it when I saw her, and about me and how I was doing (because of That Whole Incident Thingy), and I told her Alva was on a trip but I had heard from her on the Internet and she was, so far, doing okay. And that I was good and I had someone to check in with every few days so that would be sure to keep me on track. She was glad to hear that, but got confused about Alva. "She e-mailed you instead of calling?"

I ended up telling her about how me and Alva had blogs now, and that's how I heard from her. She thought it was "really sweet" that we talked about each other on each of our blogs. And then when she started asking about my 'other friends,' I actually had something to tell her this time.

I don't know if you guys have noticed from things I've said; I've probably mentioned it... but I'm not really very socially adept. Alva's really my only friend, and then the odd classmate or teammate who will sort of attach themselves to me and have a weird sort of one-way friendship. (Mike would be one of those.) So Mom always worries about how I'm faring with that, because she knows Alva well and knows that living with her can be harsh, "if you don't have a network of friends to fall back on, sweetie."

Normally that's when the conversation gets a bit awkward, because I usually still have nobody to mention. But this time, after I told her about Mike being a creeper and dropping off flowers and that PDA, I thought of something, and told her about you guys! :) I basically said that a few people had found my blog because they were into this creepypasta thing (Slenderman) that Alva was into, and I was always in her comments. And that they would posts comments on my entries and show interest and be friendly and stuff. She was so glad to hear about that, she got this really big watery smile and I got all embarrassed because to most people I think knowing people only on the Internet means you're a freak, but to her it was so wonderful because it was better than nothing. And anyway, she said to tell you all that she's really glad and apologizes for my weirdness, I get it from my father. xDD I love my mom. She's so funny.

She's still not doing too well, though. :\ She was a bit more stable over the weekend, but her condition's been having random drops from time to time. I still can't understand half of what the nurses and doctors are telling me, but from what I gather the problem isn't directly the injuries from the car accident. They were really really bad and definitely fucked her up, but once they stabilized her blood loss and got all that taken care of, none of them would have been fatal. The problem is with her internal systems, something about "regulatory" and "chronic conditions." My mom's never been that healthy. She's kind of frail, and she's always had some mild issues with her health, which she inherited from her family. Things to do with her respiratory system and her... like, liver, or kidneys, or one of those things... They've always been a bit problematic. It's never really been more than a nuisance in her day to day life, but now with this, the doctors are saying her symptoms are... like, "aggravated" or something like that. I guess what they mean is, the impact made what she already had worse, and it's affecting her ability to heal or something like that.

They reminded me that having family present can help the healing process and stuff like that. They seemed pretty disapproving that neither my dad nor my sister had come by. I had to explain that my sister doesn't have a way to get out of Egypt at the moment and that my dad has obligations tying him to where he is. (Not strictly true, but they don't need to know that.) They still seemed pretty disapproving, though, so I just reassured them that I would be here to visit every day. They liked that.

I've met my mother's best friend from down here, Rhonda. She's really sweet and we had a long conversation about her. She said my mother talks about me all the time. I'm not surprised. My mom's like that. She's really cool. I told her that I've really missed her and that I've heard a lot about Rhonda, too, and she seemed pleased. She had to leave early afternoon, but she did give me my mom's keys. I'm going to be staying in her apartment while I'm here because I can't afford a hotel.

That's where I'm at now, by the way. My mom's apartment. It's pretty quaint. She's got a nice kitchen, which I know she must be really happy about. She loves that sort of thing. I'm making her a pie right now. I hope the nurses let me give it to her.

Well, just thought I'd give you all an update. Thanks so much for sticking around! Mom says hi. xD




Got Out

And I'm home. I've been assigned a counselor I'm supposed to check in with every few days. Sounds fine to me!

I've been packing for the past few hours. Morrigan's fine. On a whim I decided to bring my new copy of House of Leaves for something to do. Also taking some of Alva's things—warm clothes, favorite books, electronics, special mug, all that jazz. I know she'd be loathe to lose it, and if I can ever get ahold of her location I can send her some important stuff. Sleeping in trees... Damnit Alva, you'd better be joking about that part. >:0

Called my sister and my mom. Mom's been sleeping so I didn't get a chance to talk with her directly. Tried calling my dad but I get no answer. Same thing's happened the past few times I tried calling from the hospital. I know he's fine because Mom and Sis have both talked to him, which means he must be avoiding me for some stupid reason. I hate when he gets like this.

Anyway Mike left a care package at my door. Kinda creepy. Had a few cool things though, so I'm taking them too. In a minute once I zip this all up, I'll be heading down to the bus stop. My flight leaves in the middle of the night; it's a red-eye. My savings are virtually kaput now thanks to all this transportation cost, so I'm gonna have to keep a hecka tight budget. Boooooo!

Oh well. Not like I'm not used to it. ;P

If anyone gets any clues as to exactly where Alva is, please tell me! Meanwhile I'm off to sunny California. It's been a while. Hope it's as friendly as I remember. :)

Have a wonderful week!




Message to Alva (and Everyone Else)

In specifics regarding her post, I had tried to send this comment as follows, but it auto-deleted it and wouldn't let me post:

"I loooooooove yooooouuuuuuuu. :3 

I'm sorry, Alva. <3

Also, you can tell your "guides," if they are who I think they are, to back the fuck off, you don't belong to them. Just because I couldn't react to your parting words doesn't mean I didn't hear them. So your buddies can take a hike, mmkay? Mmkay.

Oh--and send me a postcard from wherever you're staying so I can send you your warmer clothes. And DON'T SLEEP IN TREES. I can wire you some emergency money if you need, since I'm not paying for school anymore. Real beds, okay? That's my rule.


PS I really am sorry. I shouldn't have done or said any of that and now I'm paying for it. I'll make it up to you."

If anyone can somehow convey this to her for me, as I doubt she will be checking my blog anymore, I would be much obliged. 

Additionally follows the rest of my initial reactions to Alva's latest post...

"Really, Alva?

Goddamnit, she knows how suspicious I am of Canada. I can’t believe she never listens to me.

Then again, I am in a psychiatric ward right now, so...

Okay, I’ll let her off for that one.

I am her “idiotic, obsessive, crazy stalker of a friend,” after all. :) That’s right. She admitted it. I’m her friend. HA. Even if she did say I was a fuckhead--she calls me that about once every two weeks, anyway, and I kind of deserve it. ^^ I was a really big idiot, after all. But I’m her idiot FRIEND. 

Nyeehhh, suck it, all you people that aren’t Alva’s only friend. 

Anyway. Alva. Once again. WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?? How the heck am I supposed to keep contact with you and know you’re okay if you have no internet/phone access?? Will you at least call me every time you get to a new hotel, or send me a postcard so I know where you are, or SOMETHING?? Asjglskgjadlkadfs. GEEZ.You have no consideration for people who care about you, you know. You should stay in one place for at LEAST a week and send me a postcard with your address so I can send you warmer clothes, because god knows YOU don’t have money, and hey, I’m not paying for school anymore right now. And no way in hell am I going to let you freeze to death in the Great White North. Mmkay? Mmkay.

Also, I’m sorry. Really. I was... stupid, and... out of my mind, really. Honestly, I’ll do whatever it takes never to do that to you again. I know you’re real and love you for exactly who you are, no more, no less. I’m really sorry.

Incidentally, “that old woman” is considerably sweeter ever since her husband left. I’m sure *you* wouldn’t know, but we’ve had several nice chats by the mailbox. She’ll take fine care of Morrigan, and it’s only for a couple more days. I’ll have her safely back in my hands in no time and I’ll give her extra treats, okay? Just not too many. We don’t want her to be fat like Charlie. ;P

And don’t offend people in Canada, Alva, geez. It’s different up there."

End rant.

Basically, for the rest of you... Well, I already linked Alva's post up there, and I'm sure you know. She's in Canada, I'm stuck here, and it's going to be hard to contact her. I know she probably won't be able to get everything from you guys, either, having no technology with her, but I would be so grateful if you would convey to her anything from above you find important from me.

In addition, know that I'd love to respond to the comment threads on your posts and blogs, but can't. Keep commenting and posting, though, because I'm watching and reading! I don't really have any other way of contact, so. I can, it seems, respond to my own comments, so I can talk to you guys there.

If I have anything specific to say to you folks outside of my own comment thread, it'll probably go here.

Anyhow, have fun, be safe, stay chill!

Much love.




So, funny story.

I was in my calmingly painted hospital room, fast asleep like the angelic cherub I am, when suddenly I was rudely awoken by a STRANGE BEEPING NOISE. As I am now officially off physical monitoring and have no machines hooked up to me, and my cell phone is dead, I wondered to myself in bafflement, WHAT COULD THAT MYSTERIOUS BEEPING NOISE BE?

Following which, my reaction thought process altered thus: "Oh silly Robin, that cannot be! For TribeTwelve is not a genuine documentary series, but a fictional one, created by someone who is NOT really named Noah Maxwell! Evidence exists of this ON THE INTERNET!"
After that, my reaction thought process morphed thus: "WAIT, THEN WHERE IS THAT MYSTERIOUS BEEPING NOISE COMING FROM?"
To which my reaction thought process responded thus: "It's the Mysterious Ticking Noise from Potter Puppet Pals! WAIT THAT WAS A BOMB! Alas!"
Subsequently, my reaction thought process corrected thus: "No, no, dear Robin, that was a fictional series as well! Its cast consisted of animated puppets!"
Responsively, my reaction thought process consisted thus: "WAIT! I now understand! For I am in a psychiatric ward, therefore I am insane and imagining the beeps!"

(At this point, it beeped again.)

Immediately, my reaction thought process transitioned thus: "Wait it's coming from under my pillow. That's silly. :3"

SO long story short (not really, I kind of made it long), I checked under my pillow, and turns out when a classmate and ex-teammate I know named Mike came to visit today, he left me a PDA-thing. Like a sneaky, sneaky fox. x3

I know it was Mike because 1) he has been the only person to visit me, as he overheard a teacher mentioning a vague reference to the reason I would no longer be attending classes this semester, and 2) because when I clicked it on, the beep turned out to be from a text message which read, verbatim, "hey sweet thang, heres anotha gift for you sweetheart did u like my roses tha blue color means "we shuld bang, foxxeh" in the language of flowers. Honest. look it up. xoxo".

Which is definitely Mike. (He did in fact give me blue roses, which I think he got custom dyed. I'm also pretty sure they don't mean anything of the sort in the language of flowers, as my mother is a florist.)

That, and the second beep was apparently another text message in haiku form. It read, "1 hey big robin yo 2 ditch ur sweet foxxeh girl ho 3 and taste my rain-bo (xoxo!)".


It's one of the reasons I feel awkward talking to him.

Anyway so I'm going to check my comments and Alva's blog and my e-mail now. Still wish I had my phone in case she texted me. Mike's been messaging me on this thing, says it has Internet and crap (it works, clearly), but he doesn't have the charger because he "found" it (<<;) without one. So I have to use it wisely.

I should be able to get on a real computer again tomorrow, though, and pretty soon after that, I'll be able to negotiate for my release! Yay!

Love y'all!




EDIT: Looks like it's not letting me comment for some reason. I'll see if I can still respond to my own.


It looks like I will be in them for the next few weeks, at least.

Um, so, I'm in a psychiatric ward right now, no big deal, but I have to stay here another three days for "observation." I guess it's like standard procedure for patients deemed suicide risks or whatever. Apparently the people across from us noticed that my blinds were broken and were suspicious about the light staying on all night and no one moving around inside the apartment, so they called someone, and they came over and found me. Turns out I was unconscious on the floor with the cord from my blinds tied around my neck. I don't know what I was thinking; those things are puny and I am heavy. Obviously that wouldn't work. But, er, well, good thing it didn't. Or, you know, Robin kaput. So, that was lucky.

JUST FYI, that was not a suicide attempt. I mean, it kind of was, like, I was trying to kill myself--but that's just because I thought I was dreaming and they said in Inception that if you die in a dream you'll wake up, and, well, it was a pretty crappy dream, so... Yeah, I wanted to wake up.

Except, surprise, wasn't actually a dream... yeah... whoops.

Quick fill-in just in case you're kind of confused. Wednesday about midday I got a call that my mom had been hit by a car. She wasn't in good condition, they weren't sure where it was gonna go, and I freaked out. Texted and tried to call Alva to calm me down, but she didn't answer and turned off her phone, so I ended up having another panic attack and breaking some things (namely, my door, the blinds on my window, and the microwave, plus some random unimportant shit like CDs and pencils). Alva came home and I told her what happened.

(Here's where I should offer some clarification. Alva may seem heartless in this upcoming bit, but she's not. She just has difficulty with emotion. It's not her strong point, and it rather suits her not to experience it at all, where possible--and, well, it's possible to some very extreme points. So don't blame her for not appearing sympathetic. She's a different sort of person, she's unique and strong and stubborn and, you know, that's just how she is, so let it be. Okay? Okay. Keep that in mind.)

So, I told Alva what happened. Alva didn't find it anything to be very upset about, so she became rather cross with me and my "dramatics," preferring to take the stance that I shouldn't care about family, she didn't care about me, and she was just going to pack her things and leave because she was sick of having to take care of me. Also some things about wasting her time, me being pathetic, unimportant, and obsessive, et cetera et cetera, that sort of thing. Banter, I suppose you could call it. Only I was rather in a delicate emotional state and therefore took it quite close to heart. Especially when she said something somewhat derogatory about me and my relationship with my mother. I was miserable already, so it seemed to me that this was about the worst thing ever, so I told her, in so many words, that if she cared so little about who lived or died, that she should just kill me. Fortunately, she didn't. Instead, she said something about how she would love to, but couldn't afford jail time, and that I would just have to commit suicide instead. Which was, obviously, a bit of a blow.

Now, clearly, I hold quite a high opinion of Alva, and it just wasn't clicking for me that she could really mean these things (I was in a state, like I said). This combined with an awareness of, as previously mentioned, my history of mental illness, led me to the conclusion that I was either hallucinating this version of Alva or was trapped in a vivid nightmare (I occasionally experience night terrors, some not all that unlike this, so it wouldn't have been too far-fetched). I began treating Alva as such, referring to her in, I think, the third person, at times, and telling her that I needed to wake up because the "real" Alva wasn't like this, et cetera et cetera more whining. (I should have put a disclaimer for myself, as well. Here's a belated one: please forgive my horrible self-absorbed depression to be described, as I was in a fragile state of mind.) Anyway, this annoyed Alva enough that she decided to leave early.

I don't remember, but she said she was going on a trip or something, or something about Thanksgiving break, I'm sure I'll remember later. But the point was, she was going to leave early for that now. So she started getting things and packing and such. This distressed me quite a bit, and I decided that I couldn't stand to watch her leave, and that I had to wake up from this dream/hallucination before she did so. Hence my brilliant idea of, "Okay, this sucks, time to wake up, I'd better kill myself." So I started trying to smother myself with a blanket, and then a jacket, and honestly I'm just not that knowledgeable about such things, so I had to ask Alva for help, because I didn't know how long it took to suffocate oneself, et cetera et cetera, all quite pathetic really... Well, she may or may not have tried to stop me, hard to tell, because she did tell me to stab myself rather than suffocate, but then she took away my blanket and jacket and told me to let go of the knife, but then she stopped trying to get the knife and gave the blanket and jacket back, so... I don't know. Anyway, that's not important.

The point is, after that she left. And after a while of moping and telling myself to wake up, as well as halfheartedly holding a blanket over my head and trying to tie it off (didn't work, obviously), I realized that smothering myself was a stupid idea and went and got the cord from my broken blinds, tied it to the fire sprinkler thing, made it into a noose around my neck, and stepped off the coffee table. Which, in hindsight, was also a stupid idea.

Clearly I hadn't thought it through, though, so, as I mentioned at the beginning of the post, the cord broke, I ended up just passed out but alive, and the neighbors called someone and I was taken to the hospital the next morning.

So, that's the story.

Sorry, it's kind of long.

Anyway, I was just being stupid, so, you know, not a real suicide attempt, just a panic-induced sort of delirium and a bad fight. I'm a total idiot, you guys, you know? Aw, you know. It's totally obvious. They made me promise never to do something like that again, anyhow, and, well, I definitely could agree to that. I mean, geez, what trouble... So I signed their thingy.

Oh, guess what? After giving them a bit of history and having them look up my medical records, I actually finally got that CAT scan. I actually have no brain damage. How the hell is that possible? I don't even KNOW how many times I've gotten cranial trauma in my life, much less in the past few weeks. I guess I just have a super strong brain or something. So, unfortunately, I can't blame my stupidity on that. Damn. Guess I'm just a psycho idiot.

But I'm a psycho idiot who signed a no-suicide contract! Yayyy!

That's how they let me go on the computer. I'm monitored, of course, and my cell phone's dead so I can't call or text Alva, but I did send her an e-mail, which she may or may not check in time. However, if wherever she went to has internet, I would just like to say, Alva, I'm fine, I'm not mad at you, of course, I'm sorry for being so stupid, please forgive me, and please tell me where you are going and for how long so that I don't worry!

I kind of want to just go find her, because I feel like she might be mad at me. Of course I need to wait to get my charger to turn my phone on to see if she actually left me any messages. Not necessarily probable, but, you know, possible. Anyway if I act all prematurely I know she'll get mad. Obviously that didn't turn out well at all when I did that a couple days ago. No more acting prematurely, guys! Don't let me forget.

Oh, so, my mom says I don't have to come visit her (she knew something was up the instant I told her me and Alvie "had a fight"), but Lara got a hold of me too and says I'd "better fucking visit your goddamn mother you ungrateful little brat or I will rip your spine out of your body and beat you with it." I kind of agree with her. She is my mom, after all, and I had immediately planned to come see her once I found out anyway, before the, um, incident. I just--Alva, you know? Asjfkaslf. My mom's in California, so it's, like, I can't go see both.

At least I do remember Alva telling me that the trip had already been planned, so she must know where she is going. So I'm pretty much decided that once they let me out of here, I'm taking all of my money out of savings and going to California. Obviously my mom's conscious now, as she called me, but she's still not doing well. Hooked up to all kinds of machines and shit. I just need to be there for her. I don't get to see enough of my mom. She and my dad divorced when I was a kid and she moved to the coast. I miss her, you know? It's a good hospital, according to what I looked up online. And I know my dad's footing the bill for a lot of extra care.

But... you can't not worry about something like this. So I'm kinda twisted up, you know?

We did agree not to tell the twins (my younger brothers) about me. They don't need to hear their big bro "kind of" attempted suicide. That's something, at least.

So, clearly my school year is postponed, as it looks like I will, as I opened, be in hospitals for the next few weeks.

Alva... please find a way to contact me, okay? I love you. And the moment I can, I'll be looking for you. And don't worry, I got Mrs Ershire to take care of Morrigan for the moment since obviously they didn't bring her in the ward with me. She'll be coming with me to California and I'll take good care of her.

As for the rest of you, well, I don't know how much research I'll be able to do, haha. So updates may be sparse--not that my blog was all that interesting in the first place! But I guess if anything important happens, I will let you know.

Thanks for reading this whole thing! Peace out, guys.




This is Halloween II

Oh, before I say anything:

Yep. It happened.

FYI, the reason that book looks so nice and new is because it was Alva's Halloween present to me. We do a gift exchange every year; it's our little personal tradition. Mine to Alva was tickets to Alva's fave band, thank you very much, which I bought MONTHS ago, back when I could afford them. Anyway, long story short, Alva was complaining to me last week about how I'd never read it (House of Leaves). "If you'd just read the book, you'd understand what I'm talking about!" But it's not like there's a copy at our local library, and I can't afford to just order random books off the internet. So apparently she took it upon herself to get me my own copy. 

All I wanted was new Jack Skellington gloves...

Oh well. Anyway, after Alva put up her last post, she came knocking on my door and made *me* make our masks, because apparently I somehow volunteered for this. Also, she had somehow managed to receive a sneak delivery at some point, because we did NOT have that wig before. (I have dark brown / almost black hair naturally). So Alva made me be the Tim/Masky to her Hoody instead of what I was planning, which was zombie!Waldo. My tradition is broken... -sniffle-

Also it took about twenty minutes just to hide her giant tangled mass of hair. We ended up having to braid it. I felt like a Girl Scout. 

HOWEVER, I am still having a rocking Halloween. Why? Because it's Halloween!! My favorite holiday, u gaiz. The plan for the rest of tonight is to scare young children, watch The Nightmare Before Christmas, watch Paranormal Activity, play a horror video game (I thought Majora's Mask was enough, being mildly creepy, but Alva's rooting for Amnesia. She'll win, too <<; ), listen to our Halloween Mix, turn off the lights and on the fireplace, and just generally be awesome. Alva's busy adding to her half of the Halloween Mix, so I thought I'd take the chance to jump online and post an update. Plus, I have to finish re-reading Ansem Retort, one of my favorite webcomics. (Another favorite of mine, Irregular Webcomic, just announced that it would stop posting. ;-; WHY, INTERNET, WHY!) So, if I end up coming back on and posting any sick, disturbing, or hilarious comic scenes made out of screenshots from Kingdom Hearts... that would be what that's from.

Aaand now it's time to make our Halloween feast! Excuse me while I go put together more delicious, sweet, crispy treats. 

As for you all, have a wonderful All Hallow's Eve!



Money Mart

So, the mysterious growling voice-mailer called again. They slipped up, though--this time they forgot to block the number, so I called back.

Turns out, it's some scammer called "Money Mart."

As I said smugly to Alva soon thereafter, "Mystery solved."

Of course, then she had to point out:  "Growling? Really?"

In the end, we agreed that all these links to spam sites and threatening calls from scammers can only point to one thing.

Slenderman's true motive really is to get his twenny dollaz. And he will do so in whatever way necessary.

Too bad I'm poor. Maybe next time, ol' buddy.




This is Halloween

Watch this. Now.

This is mine and Alva's future home. SOMEDAY. It's in California, too. My mom lives in California. IT COULD WORK U GAIZ.

Okay. Done. Anyway. It's not actually Halloween, obviously, but it is coming up. I hope you all are big Halloween fans, because Alva and I are the biggest. Seriously, our entire apartment complex either detests or worships us in Halloween season, because we are REALLY into it.

We went to the pumpkin patch a little while ago, and tonight we finally carved our Jack'o'Lanterns. In case you're interested, we have a grand total of thirteen of them. By Alva's description...

"Two Operator Symbols, one Slender Man, three ghouls, two masks, three skulls on fire, one ominous tree. And the last one is up to you."

How sweet. I chose Doctor Who's Weeping Angels for the last one, by the way. And even though they were HER ideas, I did in fact do most of the carving. >.< How unappreciative she is of my hard work and talent!

I can't wait to light them up, anyway. :)

I wanted to post pictures for you guys, because I'll admit it, they're pretty kick-ass, but Alva says we can't use her iTouch for it because she "can't use it for anything until I get stupid... freaking... iOS5..." and we don't actually have any other cameras. (Before you say phone cameras, first of all, the lens on mine is cracked, and second, house rules say no uploading anything from cell phones to the Internet. People can trace you that way.)

Besides all that, nothing eventful has happened. I did try to find out a little bit more with those files, but didn't get anywhere. I've been spending most of my time researching for my project. And I did actually get out of the house this weekend to go party with zombies, so... yay me. Otherwise, it's been a pretty quiet house. Alva's rereading House of Leaves. I have to wander out and make her put it down and eat every so often. Last time she tried to read it without any breaks and we ended up having to take her to the hospital. So now I monitor.

I've got to say... I'm kind of glad nothing's happened in the past couple days. I can go back to the project this was supposed to be for, instead of worrying about real life troubles. I hope the rest of you have been having as quiet times.

Drag your Halloween decorations out of the attic for me!




Voicemail [latest - Oct 21st]

I found it on YouTube.

The same message, quite long, posted by a girl called 1185slee on October 14th.

I read all the comments. From what I can tell, she got one message, the sister of a user called janelle188 received four, a user called doggiedazzle had three, the wife of a user known as darkwolf383 also got three, as did the mother of the boyfriend of user chutchens95, and katja99 has received two.

Plus my four (I got another one this morning), that makes twenty-one such messages, approximately identical, left on seven numbers over a week or so (I'm assuming none before October).

I don't think these people have any relation to Slenderman, as none of them mentioned anything outside of the messages.

So... Dead end? False alarm? Unrelated conspiracy?

Otherwise, it's been quiet.

Maybe it *was* just nothing.



6:14pm, UPDATE

So, Alva kept pestering me to explain the mysterious files if the voicemail was something else. I said they might just be glitchy, and she pointed out that "Master" didn't sound like a very 'glitchy' file name.

Hence, I did some digging, and found this.

Read closely. Turns out none of this is Slenderman after all, guys. It's *GLaDOS*! Guess Aperture Science was behind this the whole time. Good thing we're... wait for it... still aliiiiiiive!

Okay, I'll stop singing now.

Basically, that's just funny, and all this really means is that there are still no real leads on the files. Don't know whether that means they're something or nothing.

Oct 21st, UPDATE

Speaking of phones, mine has stopped receiving text messages from Alva. Everything else works fine. I've been having to communicate with her via her borrowed iPod and its little TextPlus app thingy, which neither of us is too pleased about.

12:39pm, UPDATE

No, wait, Mike's Skyping me, it looks like I'm not receiving his texts either. Something up with my phone, then?

2:17pm, UPDATE

Ha, I fixed it. Turns out my inbox was full. First time ever, man.



Things are happening a lot faster than anything I've seen, guys, so I apologize for the mass of posts. From here on out, I'm going for one post a day max, preferably less (here's to hoping things stop happening...), and if anything new can be added in an edit to the latest post, that's what will be done.

That said, I figure I should probably fill you in.

I have no leads.

We tried to look up the file extensions of those documents that showed up, to see what programs we could open them with. Some extensions didn't exist at all, others belonged to programs you had to pay for to download. I don't have any money left, so.

As you can tell I've been very upset about this, and I'm not quite sure just what to believe.

Last night, in an effort to get me to stop moping, Alvie tried to get me to come with her to IHOP. What initially was simply tired reluctance pretty quickly broke down into a full-blown panic attack, where I was hyperventilating, quivering, and psychologically unable to move, basically flipping out in the stairway of our apartment building, repeating things over and over again, trying to breathe... a typical attack.

I don't know whether I've mentioned that I have some "psychological problems" before, but I do. An obvious one, if you see me commenting on Alvie's blog, is Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, and it's not a far stretch to be able to tell from my horrible inability to pay attention at school that I also have Attention Deficit Disorder. In addition to those I also have autistic tendencies, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Recurrent Brief Depression, previously Major Depressive Disorder, and, finally, Panic Disorder.

(Clearly I'm not the most well-functioning of guys, although I get along pretty well when I keep to myself.)

Well anyway, my panic disorder used to show up a lot more often, attacks popping up fairly frequently all through middle school, and with a whole series of them not long after the start of my freshman year of college. A period of panic is usually accompanied, for me, with acute agoraphobia, which is why I couldn't bring myself to leave the apartment for IHOP with Alvie. I hadn't had any since freshman year, but obviously last night they started again.

I've pretty much calmed down from last night's attack, thanks to Alvie, who helped me back up the stairs, helped me to breathe, arranged some things with classmates for me, and made me chicken noodle soup (which I couldn't eat due to shaking hands) before getting me a blanket so I could sleep it off. (Ha, and you thought she was cold-hearted.) Hardly. I slept until this afternoon. Thankfully Alvie was still home (she's off classes today), or I might have gone into another panic. But instead I'm pretty calm now.

However, I did check my phone, only to find I had gotten another voicemail. Shorter this time, more growl than whisper, and said it was from 'restricted' instead of 'unavailable.' I'm too tired of this crap to be all that upset about it, although I'm sure it'll come rushing back to me once I'm alone in the dark. Also, Alva says she found another e-mail in my inbox. It was to the same recipients as the first time, only from some called 'eyesurgn' some number. The link just led to some random malware site this time. I'm not sure these links mean anything.

Freedomcaged suggested that I find someone to help me analyze these files.

I would love to do just that, Caged, but here's the thing. I know about seven people in the world. My twin brothers, my sister, my mom, my dad, Alvie, and my therapist.

I'm pretty sure none of them are good with computers.

I asked Alva about active Slenderblogs to see if she knew anyone could help, as everyone is always code-cracking on these things. But she said almost all of the blogs she followed were now defunct, as most of them had become Runners. Great.

So, Caged, if you know anyone, I would absolutely love to analyze these files. And yeah, I'll continue to do more research myself, but to be honest...

Me and Alva were talking a bit about our options last night. A lot of them were pretty impossible, and then there was 'do nothing.' I'm kind of leaning towards that one.

I can't figure these out by myself, guys. If you can help, or know someone who can, please do. But beyond that... I'm hoping to just get over these panic attacks the rest of the week, go participate in the zombie event this weekend, and try to get back on track with school. Maybe they'll just leave me alone.





It appears Alva is sick. Looks like I'm the one taking care of her now. Life may suck lately, but at least our house is flowing with good karma.


EDIT PLEASE READ Maybe the junk mail thing doesn&apos;t mean anything, but...

...okay, I have to think this phone caller is not a fluke.

I got another call. Same thing, blocked number—this time I answered. I tried talking to it—nothing. A recording, maybe? It was the same-sounding growl-like thing. But it was longer this time; more than a minute, maybe even three or four.

I tried to *69 the number, but they said it wasn't accessible. I've never heard of that happening... Have any of you?

I'm not sure how anyone got my number. I give it out to very few people; I guess I'll ask them, but... I'm kind of bothered. /Who is calling me/?

And why?

Please give me any advice you have.




Maybe the e-mails are related. I just got another one, from someone called Krysta Glayds. Anyone heard of her? I searched the e-mail address, lourietonie@ge-interlogix.com. Nothing. Searched the name; only thing I found was some 'bride of the year' and what I assume was her Facebook page (it had a woman in a wedding dress, so I figured it fit). The subject was "vxh" and the content was just the letter "I," lowercase. It said it was sent at 9:21 PDT, or 11:21 here... but it was only 10:33 when I got it.

Guys, please help me out. These are all coming far too frequently, I don't have any time to process or figure anything out...


There are more files. I just found them. I still can't open any, but most of these have more than 0 content. They all have gibberish names. I found them in my "past week" folder, meaning that they were supposedly things I've looked at in this last week... But, I haven't...

Guys, I looked at the times. I was on the Internet, chatting, when these files were changed or made or accessed or whatever. I had nothing to do with them.

There are about twenty files labeled "Master."



Please help figure this out.

One of the files is labeled ImagesProxies.


Just to prove a point...


This is a code of my own making.
Here's a challenge to all you Slenderblogging code-breakers.

If you can break this code, but you can't break this "Zolkm" guy's "code," then it's not really a code.
If you can't break this code, then you probably can't break this "Zolkm" guy's "code," either, so it doesn't matter whether it's a code or not, as no one can read it.
If you can't break this code, but you can break this "Zolkm" guy's "code," then I'm a better code-writer than him, so I don't care what he has to say. Alva can have her victory.
If you can break this code, and you can break this "Zolkm" guy's "code," then congratulations, I'm sure Alva will be happy to hear from you.




PS: Recruit your friends. I'd like as much evidence as possible, thanks.

Alva made me start a folder.

I wish I hadn't posted anything, because this is ridiculous. But "we" are compiling all the "evidence" into a Google Docs folder on my account. Here's the link so you can go check it out yourself and give us your thoughts. All the explanations are in the descriptions by me, or my comments. "We" will add anything else as more comes up.

Someone wanna get me out of this mess by proving none of this means anything?




Internet working!

So I went and reset the router and my Internet's working again, so I'm going to see if I can post that voicemail I was talking about. I couldn't get it off my phone, so I tried just putting it on speaker and then recording that on my computer. The quality's probably not great.

I didn't have any footage or anything obviously; it was just an mp4 file. But I guess this thing won't let me post unless it's a video, so I just slopped together a couple of old clips from a fireworks show so I could put the audio over it.

Let me know what you think!



Weird Technology Stuff

So, some weird things have been showing up on my computer and phone. Not sure what to make of it. Could be my mind playing tricks on me; I haven't slept since... Wednesday? Tuesday?

I don't know if I've ever mentioned this before, but I have some psychological things and stuff and well, I have a weird sleeping schedule. I fluctuate between insomnia and hypersomnia. Some days I conk out the moment I hit the couch, other days I simply won't sleep all night. It's been insomnia the last couple of nights this week, so, you know, it could just be me. Disclaimer and all that.

Just in case, though, I figured I'd bring it up to see if any of you folks are technology hacks that can tell me what my devices are up to. ;p

Soooooo, about 3:30 yesterday, while I was reading Harukei Ryuu's Slenderblog, my phone buzzed and told me I had a missed call and a voicemail from some blocked/"Unknown" number. I listened to the voicemail, and I'm not sure what to make of it. I guess it could have been interference or a butt dial or something? But it was a minute long of weird clicky-growling sounds, you know, like the kind movies say aliens make? It sort of fluctuated, like there would be a brief pause in between each bout of 'growling' and there was kind of a whispery something-or-another going on in the background, idk. Anyway I'd brush it off as a butt-dial, but it's just kinda odd because I've been butt-dialed before and it, well, didn't sound anything like that. So, maybe interference from like... A radio or something? Have your guys' phones ever done that, like, is there a way to shield from interference?

Wish they hadn't blocked their number or I could find out whether the message was intentional or not lol. Hope it wasn't anybody important. o__o

I'll maybe go to Best Buy today or something.

Anyway, the rest of the night my computer was working fine, except for some annoying disconnects in chat, so I decided to start watching the Slenderman video blogs, because Alva keeps bothering me about it. She's taken to training Morrigan to scratch at me on command, which is scary and painful. So I decided it was about time I just did it.

I started with EverymanHYBRID, because Alvie said it had the best acting. I'm not done yet (I got through all of the first year of videos), but I can definitely tell she's right. Pretty impressive stuff, I've gotta say. But I had to make myself stop watching once the tag changed from "1 year ago" to "11 months ago," because I was getting too into it. XD

So obviously my computer was working fine up until then, which was about three or four or five in the morning, at which point I closed it and went to play Beetles Adventure Racing until Alva woke up.

Only then, in the morning when I went back on to check my student e-mail account, I found out that it had died some time in the night, even though it had been on the charger. I checked and the charger was still in, so I don't know if it might be broken or what.

Well, when I restarted it, anyway, there were recovered files on there, but I couldn't really open them? I can't attach a screenshot because I'm on Alva's iTouch (the Internet on my computer is now not working; I'll have to restart the router), but I'll see if I can attach some pics, hold on.

Okay cool, they attached. I guess they show up at the bottom or something; I've never used this app before.

Right, so, the only one that opens is the 'mso' folder, which leads to this website:


Not sure why but it looks like they're all erectile dysfunction drugs. o___o

Oh and also my Chrome shortcut and my Steam account were missing from my dash, which was weird.

So I tried to go to that website again but it gave me this error message, taking pic...


There was nothing in the Msau folder at all, either. But there WAS a folder in the msoclip folder named "0," which was the same website clip but with a 0 in front of the name. (I still only got the error message.)

I couldn't find any program that would open the dftmp files, which look all the same except for like one letter different in each. They're all Zero KB, so I guess they don't have any content, but the weird thing is one of them comes from 1:32:01 pm yesterday, two from 1:22:01 pm yesterday, and the last from 7:32:01 pm.

I know I wasn't making any files then, so do you think that it was my computer, like is that a normal upkeep thing, weirdly named files? Dunno how that link got in there...

If anyone's good with technology, I'm curious as to what these files are. Would love to hear your opinions!

Once I finish watching the Slenderman vlogs I'm going to try and start my project. But first, it's My Little Pony time!

Have a nice weekend!




Oh, and

That new payment plan requires a lot more money. So in addition to my 'regular' job and doing something which is totally not illegal... <<... I will be selling art.

Basically I'm taking commissions (anyone want anything?) and I'm also designing and illustrating original tarot decks. One will be a My Little Pony tarot deck, and the other will be a very mysterious Slenderman-style deck.

Alvie gets that second one free for Christmas, but you guys can pay me for one. Let me know.

If you want any other type of art, my specialties are graphite and ink. If you want color I can either use Carandache or Prismacolor. If you prefer digital art, I've been experimenting with that, too.

Tell your friends!

Let me know, folks! #needsthemoneybadly